Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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