If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
