I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
