the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
