pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
