I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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