Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
