yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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