the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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