Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
