She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
