the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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