Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
