I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
