i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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