never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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