I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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