Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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