Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
