Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
