is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
