I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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