How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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