He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize