Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
