My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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