three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
