how hairy? two words: wookie tits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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