Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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