she woke up with a sticky ear
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
