Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
