I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
