I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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