Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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