Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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