this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
