1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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