What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
