He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
