I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
