I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
