You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
