i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
