I understand Curling. That high.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You can't just leave with hair like that
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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