I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize