Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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