pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
