you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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