also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
