Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
