im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
