You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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