just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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