from now on my penis is your penis
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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