I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
