Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
