Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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