Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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