I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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