no, he came in my armpit
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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