He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
