you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
