I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
