i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
