There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
