omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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