What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
