Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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