I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
